The Museum of Screwy Sex Toys

This blog is about promoting safer sex and body-safe toys. But what about the toys that are actually really terrible, awkward, and creepy? If you’re bored and want to face-palm a lot, check out This is a blog created by Searah who works in Chicago at a sex shop called Early To Bed. She specializes in selling high quality products–but in that process–comes across a lot of not-so-great products that make her say WTF?! These products have earned their spots in the infamous Museum of Screwy Sex Toys. Enjoy!

wtf confused huh jenna marbles what the fuck

Coconut oil as lube?

Love coconut oil? We carry a coconut oil/water-based hybrid personal lubricant by Jo.

jo coconut oil lube

The smooth, creamy texture looks and feels natural, mimicking the body’s natural lubrication. The oil-based aspect of this lube allows it to last longer than a water-based alternative. Safe for toys and for water-play, you get the best of both worlds in terms of water-based and oil-based lubes. The only consideration to be made is that it is not safe to use with latex condoms.


So what about straight-up coconut oil?

coconut oil

Here are some bits about coconut oil from avid sex toy-reviewer Dangerous Lilly.

Coconut oil can be used as conditioner for hair, a cooking oil, massage oil, and yes–even personal lubricant! If you decide to use coconut oil as lube, be sure to get the unrefined, virgin, organic kind as opposed to the refined, bleached, and deodorized kind; most grocery stores have it. Also make sure to have a separate container for sex and another one for other uses so you’re not accidentally mixing bacteria between types of uses.

>It is compatible with polyurethane condoms such as Trojan Supra or nitrile condoms like FC2.
>Anti-fungal, anti-bacterial, anti-inflammatory.
>Great for moisturizing.
>Recommended for treating and preventing yeast infections.
>Works as a massage oil– body massage, genital massage, and sexual application all-in-one.
>Compatible with toys made of silicone, glass, metal, ceramic, etc. Not compatible with low-grade sex toy materials (that you probably shouldn’t be using anyway) such as TPR, TPE, jelly, rubber, latex, vinyl, PVC, etc.
>Applying coconut oil to a toy and the anus can help prevent the toy from retaining odors.
>A little goes a long way.
>It has a faint scent of coconuts which lots of people like and few people dislike; the taste is also subtle.

>Not compatible with latex or polyisoprene condoms.
>Can possibly clog pores on people who are susceptible to pore-clogging but this usually isn’t an issue.

Recommended for:
>People who get yeast infections easily.
>People who experience vaginal dryness.
>Anal sex– since this works well as a moisturizer, it helps the sensitive and thin tissues of the anus to be more elastic when stretching with larger insertables.
>People looking for natural plant-based lube options.

What is Bioshield 75?

We recently got toy storage bags called Sugar Saks which are infused with Bioshield 75 so here’s a short bit about what exactly what that means.

Basically, this is an antimicrobial technology that bonds to a surface and kills germs on contact. It inhibits the growth of bacteria, viruses, mold, fungi and other microorganisms on almost any surface. Unlike other disinfectants that may only last for a few minutes, Bioshield 75 can last for up to 90 days and sometimes longer.

How it works via science, according to
>The Germ Shield molecule bonds permanently to surface or textile via covalent bonds.
>The long molecular chain with lipid fats acts like a sword and forms a microscopic ‘bed of nails’ on the surface.
>Positively charged nitrogen attracts the microbes to the surface.
>The tiny swords pierce the cell membrane of microbe upon contact. The membrane is destroyed by electrically pulling ions out and denaturing proteins.
>The swords are not damaged and continue to shield the surface from germs, attracting, piercing and killing future microorganisms.

In conclusion, Bioshield 75 is a series of badass bacteria-fighting-microscopic swords.

What kind of Sliquid is right for you?

We have a million different kinds of Sliquid, what are the differences and which one is best for me?


Sliquid is great because they contain very few ingredients; you don’t have to worry about a bunch of unnecessary, irritating, added chemicals.

All of Sliquid’s water-based lubes start with their original naturals H2O formula: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Cyamopsis (Guar Conditioners), Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid. They are 100% vegan, water soluble and easy to clean up, glycerin and paraben free, hypoallergenic and non-toxic, non-staining, uniquely blended to enhance your body’s own natural lubrication, and pH balanced neutral. Some of the differences between each are listed below:

Naturals Sassy-
-Ultra thick water based gel
-Unflavored and unscented
-Recommended for: the thickness provides extra cushion, making this lube great for anal play

Naturals Swirl-
-Lightly flavored to enhance taste
-Sugar-free, sweetened with aspartame
-Lightly scented
-Six flavors: Cherry Vanilla, Green Apple Tart, Blue Raspberry, Pina Colada, Pink Lemonade, & Strawberry Pomegranate
-Customers are encouraged to send in flavor ideas on Sliquid’s website!

Naturals Satin-
-Infused with moisturizing Aloe, Vitamin E, and Carrageenan
-Safe to use daily, not just during sexual activity
-A little goes a long way
-Recommended for: people who experience regular or periodic dryness due to menopause, medication, etc.

Sliquid takes the most popular items from the Naturals line and infuses them with organic botanical extracts for their skin conditioning purposes.They are 100% vegan, water soluble and easy to clean up, glycerin and paraben free, hypoallergenic and non-toxic, non-staining, uniquely blended to enhance your body’s own natural lubrication, and pH balanced neutral.

Organics Natural-
-Base formula for the Organics line: Purified Water, Plant Cellulose (from Cotton), Aloe Barbadensis, Natural Tocopherols (Vitamin E), Cyamopsis (Guar Conditioners), Organic Extracts of Hibiscus, Flax, Green Tea & Sunflower Seed, Potassium Sorbate, Citric Acid
-Healing and soothing
-Water-based liquid
-Recommended for: Occasional vaginal dryness

Organics Natural Gel-
-Water-based gel
-Added double the amount of plant cellulose to create a thick, luxurious gel
-Recommended for: great for anal play

Organics Sensation-
-Water-based liquid
-Besides organic botanical extracts, also infused with food grade menthol
-Heightens sensitivity
-Goes on cool and warms with friction
-Recommended for: people looking to heighten sensitivity

Organics Silk-
-Water and silicone hybrid (12% silicone)
-Silky and creamy texture
-Longevity of a silicone lube
-Safe to use with toys
-Recommended for: people with sensitivities, great for massage, great for people who feel that water-based lubes dry out too quickly for them

Organics Oceanics-
-Infused with natural seaweed extracts such as carrageenan which is the most effective lubricant found in nature and may prevent spread of HPV.
-Wakame is a red algae often used for its tissue revitalizing properties, as well as being a natural source of vitamins A, B, C and E
-Nori is a green algae that is a great source of B vitamins and minerals, including Zinc, Iodine, Iron & Copper.
-Recommended for: beach bums!

Looking for a hands-free couples vibe?

eva dame

Eva is a hands-free silicone clitoral vibe that is held in place within the labia majora with little flexible silicone arms. It has three steady vibration speeds– low, medium, and high. It is built to stay in place during penetrative sex with a partner. It’s recommended not to put lube around the area where Eva is placed, so that it is less likely to slip out of place. A great position to use with this vibe is the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) which is like missionary, but after inserting the penis, the person on top adjusts by moving the pelvis forward so that both people’s hips are aligned, allowing for bottom of the shaft of the penis to rub against the clit (or in this case, apply pressure to hold Eva in place over the clit).

Pros: strong vibrations, rechargeable, smooth and soft silicone, easy to turn on/off with only three speeds, cute as heck

Cons: May require a finger to hold in place while changing positions, not ideal for all sex positions, does not fit all body types, not waterproof

Alternate uses: try using with legs closed to hold it in place, use as an external vibe by fitting fingers under the flexible arms, use as a panty vibe by wearing in underwear

Recommended for: Someone who wants to try a hands-free vibe with a partner, someone who doesn’t care for a million vibration patterns, someone who likes a steady vibration, someone with larger or more prominent labia

An Interview with Tuesday’s Educator – Andre Shakti!

andre shakti

Andre Shakti is a Bay Area educator, producer, activist, and professional slut devoted to normalizing alternative desires, de-stigmatizing sex workers and their partners, and not taking herself too seriously. She writes about sex work for Cosmopolitan and and is on the organizational committee for Atlanta’s Sex Down South Conference, which just celebrated its inaugural run in October 2015. She recently had an essay published in the anthology “Coming Out Like a Porn Star”.,, @andreshakti,

Buy Tickets for Dropping the Hint, Not the Ball! Flirting 101 with Andre Shakti – Tuesday, January 12th @ 7-pm

Sadly, in today’s “how-to” age, there are more contradictory and harmful myths about flirting floating around out there than there is practical advice. “Don’t fuck on the first date!” “Play hard to get!” “Don’t talk about past relationships!” “Wear something flattering, but not too conservative or revealing!” Hardly ever do the instructions given account for diversity in sexual orientation, gender identity, or relationship style, let alone personal preference! Join performer, educator, and professional flirt Andre Shakti as she identifies the self-imposed “roadblocks” that make flirting difficult and works with your individual personality style to maximize your success without losing sight of who you are and what you REALLY want!

Eventbrite - Dropping the Hint, Not the Ball! Flirting 101 with Andre Shakti

How did you first become introduced to and interested in your topic? Were there any setbacks/problems in your practice that affect how you teach this subject?

The topics that I teach are ones that “hit close to home” – either they’re in areas that I have a passion for as well as a wealth of experience with, OR I was consistently approached by multiple people to teach on a particular topic and spent periods of weeks or months intensively researching them to provide the most comprehensive and factually-accurate information possible. The “research” is always the most fun! No setbacks or problems so far – fingers crossed!

How many times have you presented this class before? 

I’ve taught my Flirting class around half a dozen times each, and every class gets better and better!

Who is your primary audience for your class?

I focus just as heavily on consent and rape culture in my Flirting class as I do on technique and communication, and I find that generally speaking, though the class is fully inclusive, heterosexual men seem to benefit the most from the information provided, which includes a multitude of anecdotal advice about approaching women intentionally, with sophistication, while identifying and respecting boundaries and avoiding feelings of entitlement.

Which are your preferred teaching methods and/or techniques?

While I can talk for hours on end (I’m Italian – it’s a blessing and a curse!), I definitely recognize that I only have a single set of experiences to pull from, and therefore value a collaborative vibe in all of my classrooms. Each individual has a unique history and priceless knowledge to share, and I strive to ensure that each person feels seen, heard, and valued throughout the course of the class.

What do you love most about teaching?

Connecting with people, empowering them to make healthier, more informed decisions around sex, and learning something new from each group of people I have the pleasure of addressing!

Happy Holidays!

As the year draws to a close, Sexploratorium wishes our friends and their families happy holiday season! Please make note of our holiday hours and our new winter hours for January:



Decmber 24 –  closing at 6pm in observance of Christmas Eve
December 26– closed in obervance of Christmas
December 31– closing at 6pm in observance of New Year’s Eve
January 1 – closed in observance of New Year’s Day
We will reopen from noon-10PM January 2 and noon-8PM January 3
January 4 and 5- closed for inventory.

Beginning Wednesday January 6, please make note of our new winter hours and plan your visits accordingly:
Sunday-Thursday Noon-8PM
Friday and Saturday Noon-10PM

Happy New Year from Sexploratorium